Is all fair in love, war, and in divorce? Do the ends justify the means?
No. And no.
The purpose of divorce law is to treat both spouses fairly as to all issues in the divorce case.
Presumptively, the fairest way to divide a marital estate and custody of the children is to divide them equally. It makes good sense. Generally and presumptively, it’s the decent and right thing to do, and the thing the court is charged with seeking (if you were to leave the matter in the hands of a judge). Otherwise stated, selfishness and greed doesn’t play in divorce (and selfishness and greed are fairly easy to detect).
Lying and cheating your way through the process may be tempting – because it can be highly effective. Unless you get caught, lying and cheating has virtually no costs. Many people who lie and cheat feel that the rewards greatly outweigh the risks.
Many people believe that lying and cheating in their divorce actions is justified to ensure that they get what they feel they deserve. Common examples include:
- Accusing the other parent of child and/or spouse abuse to obtain an advantage in a child custody dispute;
- Concealing from your spouse and the court the identity of bank accounts and other assets, so that your spouse cannot get a portion of the accounts and other assets;
- Lying about adulterous affairs, substance abuse and addictions, and physical and psychological disabilities, for fear that disclosing the truth of these matters might result in the court taking punitive measures against you, or “rewarding” your innocent spouse;
- Misrepresenting your earning capacity and/or underreporting your income or inflating your claimed expenses to game the child support and/or alimony award.
If your plan is to base your divorce “strategy”—to any extent—on lying and cheating, you’re not a good candidate for OurDivorce. In fact, since you will most certainly fail our proces, we encourage you to stop reading and stop the OurDivorce process right now.