Victim Blaming
I launched OurDivorce.com to help others file for divorce online to avoid unnecessary legal fees.
OurDivorce does a lot of our marketing on TikTok, where we’ve carved out a niche with over 17M video views. My own TikTok content focuses on my ex wife’s infidelity and my subsequent recovery. And while the overwhelming majority of commenters express support and gratitude for my willingness to talk about difficult subjects, I’m always taken aback by how many people blame me for my ex-wife’s infidelity.
There are a hundred ways these commenters try to give her a pass, but here are some of my favorites:
- “You obviously didn’t pay her enough attention.”
- “You didn’t f*** her good enough.”
- “You must have been unsupportive.”
- “You must be boring. Do you blame her?”
But my all time favorite has to be:
- “There are two sides to every story.”
I agree. There are two sides to every story. So let’s explore…
The Other Side of the Story
Jill Blankenship, my business partner and BFF of 15+ years also shares her story on TikTok.
Her ex also cheated on her and left her for another woman.
Sounds eerily similar to my own story right?
But even with millions of people seeing her story, the comments on her videos are filled with nothing but support and understanding. Nobody accuses her of being unsupportive, being boring, or being bad in bed. And NOBODY gives her ex a pass or wants to hear his side of the story.
So why the difference?
Well…
99% of the commenters that blame me for my ex wife’s affairs are women – the same women who offer unwavering support to Jill.
I’m no sociologist, but based on this unscientific sampling, I’m betting gender plays a major role in our collective beliefs about infidelity.
Setting aside the obvious gender bias, there’s still the oft repeated desire to hear my ex’s side of the story.
The OTHER Other Side of the Story
I have to wonder what the commenters on my videos hope to hear.
Is it possible that her side of the story could somehow justify her actions? Do you truly believe that ignoring wedding vows can be explained away? What excuse could she offer that makes them feel that she was justified in having two affairs?
Make no mistake, I would LOVE to hear her side. I would love to hear how she justifies her behavior. I’d love to learn how she rationalizes betrayal and abandonment. I’m sure her explanations could serve as a blueprint to help other cheaters assign blame to anyone but themselves.
But if you need to hear her side of the story to determine who’s to blame, I suggest you check your own morals.