8 Tips for Setting Boundaries During a Divorce

It is important for parents to set boundaries during a divorce. This will help keep everything flowing smoothly and make collaboration easier, which is beneficial to both of the spouses and any children.

setting boundaries in divorce

1. Set Boundaries With Your Spouse

If you are contemplating a divorce, it is important to have clear boundaries in place. This will help you to maintain your sanity and protect yourself emotionally.

You should both establish rules for yourselves, such as what hours of the day or night you are available to talk, how much contact you will have with each other, and who pays for what.

It is also important to set boundaries for and with your children. Make sure they know which parent they can talk to about different things, and that they understand that these conversations will be confidential.

2. Set Communication Guidelines

When divorcing, it is important to create clear communication guidelines so that both parties feel comfortable and safe. This can be difficult if there are unresolved emotional issues, but setting boundaries can help to ensure that communication remains constructive.

Guidelines should include when and how to contact each other, what information is shared, and when to stop communicating.

Additionally, it is important to agree on a process for resolving any disagreements. This will help avoid any conflict from spilling over into other areas of the divorce proceedings.

3. Listen To Your Children’s Wishes And Needs

Children often express how they want their divorce to go and what boundaries they need to feel secure during the process. If they do not, you will want to help determine those needs and wants by talking with them in an age-appropriate way.

It is important for both parents to listen to their children’s wishes and concerns. Even if children are young, they may be able to give you clues about how they feel about the divorce. By understanding their feelings, you can create a more peaceful and orderly separation for all involved.

4. Limit How Much Time You Spend With Your Spouse

Divorce is a difficult time for both parties involved. One of the ways to make the process easier is by setting boundaries regarding how much time you spend with your spouse. This can help to keep your emotions in check and focus on resolving your issues as expeditiously as possible.

Even in an amicable divorce, it’s important for both spouses to start establishing their separate and independent lives in a healthy manner. While it may be difficult at first, limiting how much time you spend with your spouse can ultimately lead to a more peaceful and amicable divorce.

5. Allow Your Children To Choose Who They Want To Be Around

When a couple gets divorced, there are related changes in the family dynamic.

This can be particularly difficult for children who may feel like they have to pick one parent over the other. Children should not be put in this position since by default they love both parents equally. Sometimes, however, they may feel this way even when the parents are making efforts to keep everything amicable.

It is important for children to have choices and boundaries in place so that they can feel secure and happy, and as the adults you will often need to help establish these. One way to do this is for parents – together as a team – to set boundaries around who their children can and cannot be around. The children should also have some input by taking their desires into consideration, such as whether or not they want to spend time with the parent’s new boyfriend and girlfriend. This will give the children some control over their lives and help them feel comfortable in new environments.

6. Take Care Of Yourself

The best thing you can do to take care of your children is often taking care of yourself.

During a divorce, it is important to take care of yourself both emotionally and physically. If you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed, it is important to reach out for help. There are many resources available to you, such as mental health professionals, family and friends.

It is also important to remember that divorce is a difficult process and that there will be times when you feel sad or angry. This is normal, and you should take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your experience.

7. Do Not Let Emotions Control You

When contemplating a divorce, it is important to keep in mind the following:

1. Divorce is not an easy process and should not be taken lightly. Each person involved should approach the divorce with an objective mind and seek the best interests of both themselves and their children.

2. Setting boundaries during a divorce can help ensure that emotions do not control decisions. It is important to maintain perspective and avoid reacting out of anger or hurt feelings, which could lead to further damage to relationships.

It’s often helpful to think of some strategies to help you process your emotions, such as taking a pause before you reply to a comment or question that triggers your emotions, daily writing of your thoughts in a journal, or having a close friend that you can confide in when needed. Having these plans ready before they are needed will help you weather the emotions more healthily.

8. Stay Civil, Cordial and Calm 

There is a lot of emotion that goes into a divorce, which can make things difficult.

One way to help manage the emotions is to set boundaries with your ex. This means setting limits on how much contact you have and what you talk about. This may also include what you do not talk about with the children or people outside of the marriage, and how you will speak about one another to outsiders.

This will help keep the relationship civil and calm.


Setting boundaries with your spouse is essential during a divorce. By listening to your children’s wishes and needs, you can limit how much time you spend with your spouse while still being able to take care of yourself and stay calm, cool and collected.

Studies have proven that a collaborative divorce provides better outcomes for both spouses and the children. OurDivorce.com was developed specifically to assist divorcing couples through a more amicable divorce process to help achieve those better outcomes.

Remember, we are not attorneys, and our articles should not be taken as legal advice. We always recommend that you consult a professional if you have specific questions related to your personal circumstances.

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